In speaking with many people who have participated in a Mission Control program an issue that seems to be common is the difficulty in changing habits.
Following last month’s newsletter about multitasking, I have taken on changing a few habits. And, as pointed to in an article from Fast Company magazine that is often referenced in Mission Control programs, it’s not easy!
I did a web search on topics related to changing habits, and there is a lot of information out there – much of it very good. Some of the things that are said about what to do to effectively change habits include:
• Think through your motivation
• Examine the consequences if you don’t change
• Write down your goal
• Enlist support
• Make affirmations
• Be committed
• Be consistent
• Persevere – don’t quit
• Make a public commitment
• Commit to the new habit for 21/30 days
All of these are useful. However, in my experience, it seems that each has its own weakness. I began to investigate what, operationally, makes a difference in changing habits. Said another way, what will give access to changing habits, rather than give prescriptions?
What I have found is three elements that that seem to be key operational elements of changing habits: awareness, choice and emotional maturity.
Without elevating our awareness of our existing habits, we are run by them. By definition habits are “unconscious patterns of behavior,” something we are unaware of. Most of the time life is coming at us so fast that our attention is focused on what is in front of us, not noticing the habitual ways in which we respond to what is in front of us. A key access to altering habits is becoming aware of what we are doing; specifically, the automatic ways we have of responding to the circumstances we are dealing with.
The awareness of our habits gives us something we don’t have otherwise – choice. When we notice our habits we have the choice of continuing or doing something else. There is then the question of what we choose!
What I have found to be the turning point in changing a habit is emotional maturity. What do I mean by emotional maturity? Not going for the immediate gratification of the familiar habit, but choosing actions and practices consistent with fulfilling what is most important.
If you are anything like me, experience has shown that making a commitment, even a solemn commitment, to change a habit, no matter how excited about it we may be, has no more power than most New Year’s resolutions. What it seems to take is calling forth the emotional maturity to choose the new habit at each moment we are confronted with that choice. (You can listen to a podcast about research in delayed gratification.)
I am aware that what I am saying provides no guarantee of changing habits. I suspect that in the future, as in the past, I will at times fail in choosing a new habit. I am, however, left with a new access to changing my habits and what limits me in changing these habits. I hope this leaves you with the same.
Please share with us any successes, failures and insights you have!
